PUBLIC APOLOGY FOR MY STUPIDITY

This is basically a public announcement here on my old deviantart!

I am SO SO SORRY to everyone that ever ordered a cosplay commission from me in the past and never received it.  Id like anyone who commissioned me to please send me a message now with what you bought from me and for how much!!!  I am not in any position to pay any amount back in full but I deeply regret my actions and wish to make it up to anyone who was hurt in whatever way possible.  (ie. payment plans or art)

Let me explain a bit about what happened and why I disappeared.  This isnt an excuse for my actions but I was young, stupid and lost and I figure some of you might want to know what happened.  

I have suffered from severe anxiety and clinical depression since I can remember.  After I got out of high school (after leading a very sheltered childhood) I kind of went a little crazy ngl!   I ended up getting into drugs and december 2010 I wound up overdosing on Ecstasy (Seratonin poisoning) which caused me to move into my mentally abusive mothers household for 6 months or so, during this time I started taking cosplay commissions even though there was no way I could have gone through with making them.  I have no idea what my train of thought was at the time or if I thought I could rip someone off I honestly dont really know since its all really foggy for me!  Anyways I ended up stealing (yes it is stealing and I admit that, I am very sorry everyone) a bunch of money and made a bunch of stuff halfway and then never touched it again.   It was right around this time that my mother had a stroke and nearly died.  After that incident ngl I sunk into a terrible deep depression for 3 years.  My anxiety was so terrible that I never left the house.  I drank away all my problems and ended up getting into lots of trouble over those years.  I was battling PTSD through all of this along with other physical problems came to light (anemia being the main problem)  I basically just sat in dark rooms and ruminated about how horrible of a person I was.  It was a very dark time!  I was so poor that I ended up living in a really bad neighborhood in a house full of random people who came and went as they please.  During this time I got pulled into a car and robbed, our house was broken into with me in it and honestly we hardly had money to eat most days.  I drowned my sorrow in alcohol.  Finally one day I said NO MORE FUCK THIS and we managed to scrounge up money by doing less than desirable things I wont go into here.  I now have a job and have recently learned to push through a lot of my anxieties an fear.  This post is proof to myself more than anything that I seriously want to change.

Anyways I met the love of my life my (now) Husband Aubrey and we both helped each other out of our depression.  I am living in an apartment and my mood has finally stabilized.  I also recently came to terms with my the fact that I am not a girl at all but prefer he/him or they/them pronouns amongst other things.  I realize what I did was inexcusable and I really want to show everyone that I am here and want to make it up to you all.  Im sorry if a lot of this doesnt make sense, its honestly hard to put together a lot of that time because of the fog of drugs and sadness.  I am willing to elaborate if anyone needs it.

THANK YOU EVERYONE FOR READING THIS PLEASE MESSAGE ME IF YOU WANT TO TALK